Communicating With Your Teen—How to Approach Conversations With Empathy and Understanding

Establishing a connection with your teen is the basis for effectively supporting their mental well-being and social and emotional learning. When we love someone, we are interested in them and in their thoughts and feelings. As your child grows, communication is one way of showing your love and respect for your growing child.

Build on your relationship

1. Show an interest in what is important to your child to show you care.

2. Share things about yourself and find ways to make connections and identify shared interests.

3. Ask your child about their opinions, views and perspectives so that you can understand their feelings.

4. Build on the communication you had with your teen when they were younger – communication is important from babyhood to adulthood, and if you and your child communicated well, shared your feelings and thoughts, it is more likely that this will continue as they progress through adolescence.

Be an active listener

An active listener is engaged, caring, non-judgmental and empathetic, even when (and especially when) they don’t agree with others’ views. While some of your teen’s beliefs or opinions may differ from your own, you need to respect and value their views. This will also help them to respect your views and opinions. Listening actively helps children to feel heard, understood, less alone and calmer.

5. Show attentive body language. Maintaining eye contact, giving affirming nods, a look of concern or encouraging smiles are all small gestures that let them know you are paying attention. Even without using words, you can communicate you are listening and that what your adolescent is saying is important to you.

6. Ask open-ended, clarifying questions to gain a deeper understanding of how your child feels. These questions have no right or wrong answer; they simply help you gain insights into what your teen thinks.

7. Mirror what your child is saying by restating and paraphrasing what they conveyed. For example, you could say, “What I hear you saying is that…” or “Am I correct in understanding that you feel…”

8. Give positive feedback and affirmation. Giving specific immediate praise can help build adolescents’ confidence and self-esteem and encourage them to continue those same behaviours.

9. Validate what your teen is expressing. This can help teenagers accept their emotions and feel safe to express themselves.

10. Sometimes it may not be easy for your teen to talk about what is worrying them, and you may not know what to say. It is fine to explain to your child that you are there for them, that you are ready to talk and listen any time.

11. Communication is not only about sharing difficulties or tough feelings. It is important to share funny things, what went well during the day and find opportunities to laugh together and be affectionate in whatever way is comfortable for your teen.

Excerpted from “11 tips for communicating with your teen” from UNICEF. Read the full article online.

Source: UNICEF | 11 tips for communicating with your teen, https://www.unicef.org/parenting/child-care/11-tips-communicating-your-teen | Copyright 2023 © UNICEF

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