The way we talk to our kids about using technology can have a huge impact on their ability to become smart and well-rounded adults. After years of researching how to moderate kids’ screen time, I discovered how the most successful parents help their kids find balance.
Here are four common screen-time statements they don’t use — along with examples of what to say instead:
1. “You’re addicted to your phone.”
This statement may be the most common of all, but it’s a confusing message for a child. In order to reframe this statement, state what the real concern is. Is the problem that your kid isn’t participating in physical-world activities that you think are important?
Examples of reframed statements:
- “It doesn’t seem like you’ve gotten any exercise yet today.”
- “I noticed you haven’t spent any time with your family since you’ve gotten home from school; let’s do that for a bit so we can balance out how you spend your day.”
2. “You’ve been playing that game for too long.”
This statement also focuses on the amount of time your kids are spending on a single digital activity. And it’s problematic because it doesn’t address what’s wrong with the activity.
Examples of reframed statements:
- “It seems like this game is getting more of your attention than it deserves, given the fact that it’s mostly based on repetition and luck.”
- The statement above might lead to a conversation about the value of different apps installed on the device and whether they give a better return on the invested attention. Parents could ask something like, “What other activities do you want to do with the time you spend on your phone today?”
3. “Stop sitting around on the computer all day.”
This is an especially confusing message if the suggestion for a replacement activity is to read a book.
Reading a book, it turns out, is even less active than using a device. I’m not saying that reading isn’t a good activity for a kid to find balance in that moment. It’s just that the reason given, “stop sitting around,” makes no sense to a kid who is offered an alternative activity that involves just as much sitting around.
Examples of reframed statements:
- If the concern is that they’re not spending enough time reading, that’s a great conversation to have. You might discuss the importance of making sure there is reading time, on or off a device, at some point during each day.
- If the concern is a need for physical activity, the reframe would be less about not using the computer and more about finding an appropriate time to go for a bike ride or a run.
4. “You need to interact with real people.”
Telling a kid to “get off your phone to spend time with people” is a statement that makes no sense to someone who is engaging with more people through their phone than they are when they’re off the phone.
One of the main advantages to participation in the virtual world is that it allows us to interact with a greater variety of people than we could in the physical world alone.
Examples of reframed statements:
- “Your family wants a chance to spend some time with you as well.”
- “It’s good to have some in-person interactions with your friends, too.”
Excerpted from “Parents who raise ‘smart, well-rounded’ kids always avoid these 4 phrases, says tech education expert,” written by Richard Culatta, the CEO of the International Society for Technology in Education and former head of the U.S. Department of Education’s Office of Educational Technology. Read the full article on CNBC online.
Source: CNBC | Parents who raise ‘smart, well-rounded’ kids always avoid these 4 phrases, says tech education expert, https://www.cnbc.com/2021/08/09/parents-of-smart-well-rounded-kids-never-say-these-phrases-according-to-tech-education-expert.html | © 2021 CNBC LLC
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