Sometimes kids listen to the instructions — and sometimes they don’t. And when they don’t, that can be very frustrating for parents.
So how can parents get their kids to be more apt to comply? It might sound counterintuitive, but one strategy widely recommended by children’s health professionals is to engage your child in short, daily sessions of child-led play.
Special Time
Called “special time,” it gives young children a chance to interact with their parents without the stress of having to follow directions — which in turn, strengthens the bond between them, says Roger Harrison, a pediatric psychologist with Nemours Children’s Health in Wilmington, Del.
The concept, developed by psychologist Sheila Eyberg in the 1970s, is simple. For at least 5 minutes a day, sit down with your child and join them in an activity. That includes drawing, playing with dolls, building blocks — anything that doesn’t have a right or wrong way to play (like video games), says child psychologist Kerrie Murphy.
Research has shown that this kind of playtime can be helpful in treating disruptive conduct in children. And it’s been shown to boost attention spans and social skills in children.
Follow ‘PRIDE’ when doing special time
Researchers developed the acronym “PRIDE” to help parents and caretakers remember the tenets of child-led play when engaging in special time. These actions encourage adults to follow their child’s lead, provide positive attention and ignore minor acts of disobedience, with the goal of reinforcing appropriate behaviors.
P: Praise
Give your child specific praise as you play together. “Rather than saying ‘good job,’ because kids hear that all day long,” says Harrison, “say ‘I love the way you stack those blocks high.’ ” Focus on behaviors you want to see more of and provide positive affirmation.
R: Reflect
As your child plays, verbally repeat back some of what they say. “If they say ‘and it crashes,’ I’m going to say ‘and it crashes,’ ” explains Harrison. The repetition shows your child you understand them and that you’re listening.
I: Imitate
Join your child in parallel play. If they are stacking Legos, you stack Legos. If they are making dots on paper with a crayon, you make dots on paper with a crayon. This shows your child you’re playing with them.
If they don’t want you to imitate them, they’ll let you know.
D: Describe
Narrate what your child is doing as though you’re a sportscaster calling a game, says Harrison. And remember, sportscasters don’t “coach the game or tell the players what to do. They describe what they’re seeing for an audience.”
E: Enthusiasm
Show enthusiasm while playing with your child by smiling, clapping or using your words to express you’re having a good time. What matters, says Harrison, is that you’re “authentically communicating verbally and non-verbally to your child that you’re interested and excited to be with them.”
The best toys and activities for special time
Play with toys that encourage imagination or creativity, says Harrison.
Steer clear from toys or activities that have a lot of rules, such as board games, or lend themselves to rough or messy play, like pretend sword-fighting or painting, says Murphy.
Who should do special time
Special time is recommended for children ages 2 to 7. Each caregiver in the household — mom, dad, grandma, uncle, whoever — should take turns doing special time with each child at home, says Murphy. That way, each child has a chance to receive positive attention from the adults in their life.
Excerpted from “The 5-Minute Daily Playtime Ritual That Can Get Your Kids to Listen Better” from KQED’s MindShift. Read or listen to the full article online.
Source: MindShift | The 5-Minute Daily Playtime Ritual That Can Get Your Kids to Listen Better, https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/60032/the-5-minute-daily-playtime-ritual-that-can-get-your-kids-to-listen-better | © 2022 KQED INC
If you have concerns about your child, CHC Care Coordinators can arrange a free 30-minute consultation so you can explore options with an expert. We invite you to call or email us at 650.688.3625 or careteam@stage.chconline.org to set up an initial Parent Consultation appointment. CHC teletherapy services are available now.
