Being the parent of a child with special needs is challenging. In fact, it can bring unexpected stresses with spouses, siblings and even within your own belief in your parenting abilities.

You try your best to be kind, patient and loving but there are days when you’re so tired of the struggles that you just want to quit.

Parenting a special needs child has days which include…

• Resentment that every day is filled with challenges.
• Uncertainty of what’s best for your child.
• Frustration with inconsistent information from specialists.
• Sadness for dreams unfulfilled (and guilt for feeling sadness about it).
• Irritation towards “helpful” advice from those who have no idea about your daily stresses.
• Jealousy towards parents who have “typical” families.
• GUILT for feeling any or all of the above!

So what can parents do?

Find a support system

When you find others who also are walking this path you discover coping strategies, new resources, and support from other parents who “get it.” You will also find out you aren’t the only parent who feels guilty about their child’s extra challenges or frustrated because life is so hard at times.

Ask for help

Asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. I struggled for years trying to figure out why I wasn’t getting through to my strong-willed, high anxiety child.

It wasn’t until I opened up about my challenges and asked for help that I discovered 1) I wasn’t “parenting wrong” – I just needed more information and additional strategies and 2) there is help out there!

Take care of yourself

This is where parents struggle the most! “But I just don’t have time for me!” If you want to be the best parent you can be, you need to allow yourself time to relax and recharge your battery.

Take care of the relationship

For those of you co-parenting, make sure to take care of your partnership. Parents who are exhausted tend to forget to work on their relationship, get irritated and fail to communicate well.

Take care to nurture sibling relationships

Siblings of a special needs child might feel “slighted” at times. If this happens, be assured you’re not a bad parent, just a human one and try some of the tips below!

• Make sure each child gets some undivided attention.
  Even simple things like reading at bedtime or talks while driving to school count! It’s the quality, not the quantity that will make a difference.
• Engage in your child’s activities. Your attention to the details in their day will matter.
• Include your children in the care of their sibling, as appropriate. There will be days when they will want to help, others when they don’t and that is fine. Caring for family members instills compassion in even the youngest children.
• Give your children information as they want it. Some children accept their sibling “just how she is” and others want to know “why she uses a hearing aid.” As in anything, children are curious and the more facts they have the better.
• Empower your family by accepting what is your “normal.” Every family does things a little differently, yours included. A child who is in a wheelchair is still your child, he just has a different way of getting around, which is normal for your family.
• Problem solve as a team! There are times when challenges arise, empower your children by having them brainstorm solutions with you. It’s amazing what kids come up with, usually things we hadn’t considered.
• All children should “overhear” you bragging about their accomplishments. Focusing on even the smallest successes or acts of kindness helps a family build each other up.
• Invite other families over to play, don’t seclude yourself from others.

Excerpted from “Survival Tips for Special Needs Parents… You’re Not Alone, I Promise!” by Amy Ambrozich a parent educator and speaker. Read the full post on the Center for Parenting Education website.

Source: Center for Parenting Education | Survival Tips for Special Needs Parents… You’re Not Alone, I Promise!, https://centerforparentingeducation.org/library-of-articles/focus-parents/survival-tips-for-special-needs-parents-youre-not-alone-i-promise | © 2006 – 2023