Many families relied on screens a lot during the pandemic. Team up with your kids to create healthier media habits.
Now that U.S. cities have opened back up again and schools will likely welcome students in person in the fall, you may wonder whether now is the time to help your family recalibrate how screens fit into your life. If you want to change your family’s screen use patterns, consider these strategies to take small steps forward.
Self-reflect
While your first reflex may be to want to help your children, gently ask yourself: How are you feeling about your own screen use?
Even prior to the pandemic, research showed that moms and dads turn to their smartphones for different reasons during stressful parenting moments.
But parents also use their phones for real-time social support, like asking another person for help on how to handle a situation with their child. Parents who sought out social support with their phones tended to have better co-parenting and less guilt when they used their phones.
And when parents need in-the-moment tips, some use their phones to search for topics like how to communicate with their toddler, or activities to do with their child.
These findings highlight that not all screen time is harmful, of course. Understanding your own patterns and deciding where you might want to change are good first steps.
Try self-compassion
Perfection is an unattainable ideal when it comes to parenting at any time, but it’s a particularly destructive aspiration during a pandemic. If your inner critic is being vocal about your children’s screen use, then reply back with self-compassion.
First, rather than berating yourself when you feel overwhelmed, try to be tender and warm, just as a dear friend would be toward you. Then, remember that you’re not alone in experiencing hardships as a parent—in fact, most parents have been under tremendous strain this past year.
Take a balanced view
In their recent book, Parenting for a Digital Future: How Hopes and Fears about Technology Shape Children’s Lives, researchers Sonia Livingstone and Alicia Blum-Ross warn against exaggerating the problems around screen use, being an adversary to your children over it, and hyperfocusing solely on how much time children are on screens.
In Livingstone and Blum-Ross’s recommendations to parents, they offer these reflection questions to evaluate whether your child’s screen use is really a problem:
- Is my child physically healthy and sleeping enough?
- Is my child connecting socially with family and friends (in any form)?
- Is my child engaged with and achieving in school?
- Is my child pursuing interests and hobbies (in any form)?
- Is my child having fun and learning in their use of digital media?
If the answer to the above questions is more or less ‘yes,’ then it may be that parents could consider whether their fears over digital media use are well-founded. If the answer to these questions is more or less ‘no,’ then these particular parents and children may need to put in place regulations and restrictions in order to address problematic use.
Collaborate with kids on screen use goals
Researchers Meghan Owenz and Blaine Fowers recently developed a framework to help families improve their screen use by setting goals that promote meaning- and growth-oriented well-being.
First, they suggest, set “approach” goals that focus on good outcomes that you want to reach. Approach goals are different from “avoidance” goals, which have to do with refraining from doing something negative. For example, rather than setting a goal to limit screen time (avoidance), set a goal for outdoor play (approach), which would naturally take the place of time spent using screens. Approach goals nurture positive feelings and thoughts, are more effective and easier to stick to, and cultivate well-being. Some areas that parents might want to set goals around include social activities, play, outdoor activities, independent work, and literacy.
Because there isn’t a one-size-fits-all solution for screen use, tackling screen challenges will require a generous dose of creativity, patience, and family teamwork.
Excerpted from “How to Reset Your Family’s Screen Time After the Pandemic” in Greater Good Magazine. Read the full article online for more details.
Source: Greater Good Magazine | How to Reset Your Family’s Screen Time After the Pandemic, https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_to_reset_your_familys_screen_time_after_the_pandemic | © 2021 The Greater Good Science Center at the University of California, Berkeley
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